Being Selfish the Way we Are -- Friendship !!

A Friend in need
Is a Friend indeed !!

The most famous qoute about friendship...and the most selfless nature of our lifes..and still it potrays vast amount of selfishness. We constantly require people to be there when we need them the most. We always expect that our best friends will be there...when we are in the worst!

Its fair enough to expect that ... but is not selfish to condemn the one who is not there... He promised to be your friend.. but he did not promise to be there at his expense.

How many times we encounter.. we are a friend of someones...because we want to be.. not because that there is a mutual understanding we be each others friend. Is there any case where A's best friend is B whilst B doesnt even call A his friend ?

What I am talking is not feasible, its not realistic.. but then.. why do we call friendships as selfless...are they really selfless ??

A & B are best friends, they hang out together ..they help each other ... they are there for each other almost always. But why, why don't they go out of there limited and venture with people they dont know. Do people have a very small appetite for friends ? No its not the appetitite thats in question. Its the question of fulfilling the obligations, that come along with it...

And the number of friends are the greater the number of obligations, and during this chain of fulfilling obligations, we realise, there is only a limited number of people, with whom we are able to complete this chain of obligatory deeds.

But being selfish, for our own needs, the relationship we call FRIENDSHIP, is an unique one for which there are some who really live for. This for a very simple reason, these are the people who know all your inhibitions, your flaws, your deeds which can be both good and bad, your stupidities, your annoying things, still stick around you , with you, for you.
They give you the frank advice, they criticize you but rarely compliment you for they know that they have to make you a better man so that they themselves will be proud to say " I am his Friend !"
They are there for you, will be for you and you will do the same.

Wandering around, all alone, I thought I was perfect, I was right
Someone tagged along, made me realise I was wrong,
With a browsed Ego, I still tagged along,
For I knew it was the shoulder on which I could lean On !!

...the moment....

What's it about the mountains ... that draws me towards them
The clouds around, its just mystic ...i get the feeling of being what I can be...
The same insight that draws back from a long time..of being above the world and oblivious to what is beneath...

The clouds..also cover whats above.. they allow me to just be there.. in the moment...and absorb whats around me...in the moment.. where I can be free or I am !

The peaks..so high.. wonder how it would be to stand on top...view down below....the clouds touching them like...a mother covers her child... is it a hidden mystery..or just a simple game of hide and seek.. whatever..it just draws me towards it.

There is water...and from there..its totally a different story.. its like a stage set...for the nature to do its tandem dance...

The wind blows..with me sometimes..and against me the others... both the feelings are different...they are unique , they cant be compared with each other.. like I once did...they just tell different stories of their own...and again.. all it takes a second ... alone..the eyes closed...the moment...it will be always there..and is sure..

Only thing missing is ...may be the droplets..no matter how much it is not wanted ... but its fun ..when it is there..all one needs to do is to leave what he has then and there..its all about the moment.. and there are so many of these here...
It makes you feel in air...no the heart is not sinking...but the heart is alive...its feeling and wanting all the more..all the time.. but too much of any thing is bad.. is it not ?

The colors are there...but they dont attract me.. "God must be a painter.. thats why..maybe.. he has so many colors in life...", this is true...from green , yellow, orange to red..all are here..some are brown...but the colors do not attract...they are only colors...like the ups and downs..but i m not crazy enough for them..there is something else..that i want...

There is so much beauty..the water the mountains the clouds and the trees.. I am seeing what I have always... But now I dont believe it...there is something missing...but still it is better from the place I am coming from and where I will be soon going...

All I am trying is to hold on to the moments.. to get the most out of them now.. and for the future that is to come...
the steps that I take...
drag me back...
for the hour I spent...
a moment ticks by

I long for...

I long for ...
the warmth of ...
Days gone by
when you were mine
and now those days are memories of time!!

Life's empty
without you... by my side
My heart belongs to you...
No matter what I try !!!

4 Season's of lonileness -- BOYZIIMEN

My HomeTown

Islamabad : I was almost born there...almost...but physically almost, so I am told. I have no memories of watsoever. What do you expect in the few early months of my life. No this is not My HomeTown

Delhi : Early days of my life, which I remember. The way I used to run around the way I used to trouble people. Getting hurt, crying and then reaching home...all the experiments with myself...lucky I am still alive..and so are the others around me... I didn't mess up...did I. But where was I...I do remember..but when I return.. no..my marks are not there..No this is not the place I know...No this is not My HomeTown

Jeddah : Pressure of expectations. I did try...I did fail.. I tried again...I excelled!! Friends are not made by religion, but they are lost because of it. As young as I was...I felt the consequences of the one Dec 6th...I heard things which were far from our age...saw things which were far again... Early learning phase of my life...did learn..my friends were there....the sharing...the understanding...different religions..which were really not a root of problems...Religion does not matter.. no not to me...I still remember a lot of things...but not all...No this is not My HomeTown


Delhi : Things don't remain the same...I knew what was happening around me...tough lessons of life...you learn them here...also..even the older people are foolish ...and for a small mistake.. pay a price for lifetime...learned what was cricket..and lot of other things...friends were there because of this ...only...i guess...No one likes you..if you don't perform. Teachers were good...the school is still there.. though having a total different face. First understanding of jealous..first experience with show-offs..or that's what I say...and say.."I don't like it, don't want to do it". Maybe because I cannot draw the attention. Lost bets..and danced...called people what I feel they were...but it is lost.The remains are still there...still when I reach back..I know some things..or so I think.. but.. No this is not My HomeTown

Harare : Colour does not matter...it really doesnt. Being the 'Mu-Rungu' or 'Mu-India', the after effects of racial discrimination were still there...but yes..it never made things difficult atleast. People respect you..your deeds..not your colour. A lot of interesting people..which have a lasting effect...young people..understand life...very early in life. Confidence...which is now...or atleast until a few months ago... oozing..such that , I had to be deliberately nervous...so that the over-confidence does not steps in. Defining my principles..my rough priorities...understood.
Expectations..they were for the first time met...and met more than what was expected...yes..ofcourse...fame...the taste was there...Patience defined the new...words never mean anything now...independence...yes...Money...there is no need..life can be happy without it also. Gals.. yes the first crushes...french classes..for the conversation of combination of un-understandable french and english... the pressure..and zeal to perform. Cricket was there.. and so was achievement with it.. or so I think...first job...and first time turning the job down with more money...for a job which was more interesting...Misery...seen it..understood it...Want to Remove it.. hope I can do it. Optimism...that's where I understand it came from...never heard 'it can't be done'.. always heard..'lets try it'...Believing that whatever happens...happens for the good...Don't force the life around...Books, the respect came ... and defined me!! Suddenly they were the most important possessions. The mother nature...showed how beautiful she is...the world's view...and the reason to conquer it came immediately...the cub I held...or the night of zillion stars...lighting up the dark sky...the chance of seeing the victoria falls...up side down..still rues me..but they had there reasons...Responsibility with trust and freedom..yes..the Golden Era...The "once in a million" or the "pleasure to teach" or the "going to fast" all came from this place...its best to speak.. rather than keep it in your heart...there is no need to hide feelings...they are meant to be shared...And yes..the place I started writing...atleast the song...The time is still fresh.. like a movie ..its rewind and replay...any point of time wherever and whenever but only replay..not relive...yes have moved from there..I remember the roads, there names...the streets, the sports club, the school, the people...but still I was a 'Mu-Rungu'. I will always be an outsider...no..I think it is mine.. but...No this is not My HomeTown

New Delhi : The three months...the time when I wont rust...or so I tried...yes...strange things...A-Levels from University of Cambridge exempt you from TOEFL...but they wont get you an admission in some of the states...yes...rejection ... even if you are capable of ...because english was not a subject...I don't mind that...I went to a better place instead. 3 Months is not enough to make it mine..lets move on.. No this is not My HomeTown


Agra : People...that's what the place was all about... Good people... Bad people.. Trustworthy People..and not so Trustworthy people... Fine tuning what I want from others...yes expectations were there which were not fulfilled...respect...yes...I got that...statements like..."If you said, you will get the highest priority" or "he has it all planned, and he will reach where he wants to go" or "you don't need pdp classes" My favorite..any how..also comes from here..." you are always smiling" yes.. that's the way things should be....staring in blank... yes...all came from here. Gals..defined a lot...and changed a lot...yes..the trust is not there...not any more. The meaning of friendship...I understand it now...SAHARA...the second family...yes..I met them here... From caring to fighting...from drinking tea at night 4 to marathon movie race of 7 movies...the cooking ..because of which I am surviving...the 'adda'...I all get it from here...clearly the best time...the place I was able to screen out the people in my life...I was considered mature...
The place I started to write...the way I write now... the fights with people...the trade fair trip...!!
Yes a lot of trips...from leh, to goa , to sikkim.. been there and seen all.. haha...so we wished.. but yes.. jaipur..or gwalior..they are there.... My love with papers...the emphasis on the technical...rather than the presentation...yes.. I don't mind...and will not change...EGO..this is where I get it from ... and ... I wont bend down... and I wont go first... it keeps me safe.. does it not .. truly the other half of my Golden Era..."Zimbabwe" the name comes from here.. in the first year...it was common.. in the last.. I was reminded of it.. This could be mine.. but.... No this is not My HomeTown

New Delhi : Another 3 months...but yes a lot of things change ... the question comes up ... and again ... priorities are being considered... the principal remains the same... SAHARA....yes its still there with me.. when I need it ...no two things about it!! But No... I have given up.. this cant be..and will never be.. No this is not My HomeTown


Pune : The hangover is there ... and again .. to prove a point I have the zeal... yes.. good boys are not difficult to find.. have a brilliant class around... but.. stay away from gals.. that's the best thing about it... The place I say really studied.. and It was fun.. coming home 5 am in the morning from lab..yes it is unique ... when the world goes to work.. I go to sleep.. it was not a night job.. it was a day and night job.. I will start again tomorrow at 11. No it was not studies...quake over lan...where did I get it from..?? Here only !! Yet again.. its the first company and the first interview.. I am done.. the brief trip to bombay..changes the whole perspective..yes..people change.. so should I. But back here...the feeling to perform is there.. I was up against the best.. yes they were better and are .. but still I tried...the name "PARAM" ...it came from here.. I am still good atleast in some thing..and besides...second is not bad..I got what I was looking for.. now I should move one.. but wait a minute.. I have to move again...No this is not My HomeTown

Bangalore : The constant urge to do something.. fired back in CDAC is extinguished.. or so I feel.. with nothing to do.. and frustrated faces around.. I try to bury myself .. in what I may consider the temporary shelter.. work... day in and day out..from 8 in the morning to 2 at night..from sunday to sunday....yes that's what I was ... on choice ... I am still considered good ... but don't let your expectations rise... Friends ... yes I have them here ... they are beside me ... but its about me.. which is not perfect ... I have always been lucky to get good guys around me !!! It has its highs ... the trip from Mongol.. to the frequent trips to Hyderabad.. and the single lone trip to Ooty... no .. it was not fun.. but yes.. it was better than the madness... I don't want it.. please.. No this is not My HomeTown

Hirama : Few months down the line.. and yes.. I like the place... the madness is here.. the serenity is also here. I have good people around .. the work is here.. but am up with against the best... but wait a minute.. there is a lot I am missing ... am I feeling lonely.. that's a word I don't have in my dictionary... am I not the one.. who would not mind to spend the whole life alone on a island where there is no one.. I though I was sufficient for myself...I still have to find the reason..it will be taken care somewhere the day I find it...yet again...it was SAHARA..that was to my rescue..and this other person. And yes..this is the place I have come online with my writtings...though it is more of explanations...the kind I took up on my way to GandhiNagar...and not in the proses...but this is what it is !! Things are organised.. things try to be logically interlinked.. they are punctual... and very obvious.. so what's wrong..I don't know.. the phase is still going on... the question.. yes the question.. it is finally answered.. the answer is what i had expected.. but the reason not... a lot of self introspection is awaiting.. but hope I can get over...oh..this all does not belong here...No this is not My HomeTown

Half the world..I have trotted.. seen a lot many placed.. Four religions I have experienced.. and no religion is not the criteria.. Three out of the Four colors of skin.. and again.. they are not important..then why the world is divided over these petty issues ?? But the world is mine.. I have blended and gelled.. I have fallen in love with all the placesI have been ...But I don't have My HomeTown no...I don't...have a place I can call my own...Always been a spectator...and may be thats what I will be .... the change is always needed.. to keep me away from becoming paranoid...yes..I don't My HomeTown...only because..the World is mine.. there are no limits...no boundaries...

I looked underneath...it was not there..
I looked overhead... and I still couldn't find it
I looked all around...and its no where to be found..
then it struck me..
I looked beneath...and its all there ...which I ever wanted..

Maturity...Part another!!

The juice is more important...its healthy ...its tasty..and lasts long. But I like ice-cream..even though..I will have to rush and eat it.. it may mess my clothes also...and maybe my health..but I like ice-cream better!! I know juice is nice, its gud..but so is ice-cream.. I chose Ice-Cream...

It was a wrong decision...no it was just a choice...or a simple matter of priority...may be not...it was simply my immaturity!!

Funny, how maturity is defined in so many vague ways...from decisions..to simple affirmations..anything to everything defines what maturity is...but maybe ..nothing is what it should mean..

"du2: 4 me maturity z wat u hold in brain...
nt in ur personality.......
kid: ur personality is in ur brain also..
but sayin wat in brain is pretty vague is it not ?
du2: datz true..
bt brains m talkin in context of decisions......
bin mature 4 me z u kw hw 2 make decisions...
kid: i think u mean the reasons behind the decisions....
du2: 2 differentiate bw weder u r rite or rong......"

How interesting is the above conversation...it travels from the personality...to the brain..via descisions and there reasons..to finally weder ones rite or wrong...
Being rite or rong..or what is rite or rong...is there a difference....
maybe being rite depends on wat others feel also.. it has that element of affirmation..of getting that so needed nod.. of certain..who have been the role models..
But never, the thought of what exactly one wants, occurs...does north really has to be north.. ?? or does blue looks blue to all...blue can be green to many..
and they still call it blue.. cant that be a possibility..

Why is it, if one thing is right..no other can be.. there cant be 2 rites..or 2 wrongs..or can there be ??
There is always one..and only one...way to reach the destination.

The people, whose nod we seek, guide us...so that the path we walk on is safe..not with as many pitfalls...where we may get hurt.
But walking on the more tough roads...knowing you will get hurt..is also immaturity..is it not?
One may argue..he has the right to know..what so wrong in travelling the paths that have not been travelled...or paths which are difficult.

Is that very nod..the one which affirms to you being mature...is it because..you have taken a decision..just because it fits into how the other has thought of it...or is it the reason..behind that reason..the fact of knowledge..you know..where its gonna hurt..and how bad..it gonna hurt..because of which..the path is not taken up.

Immature is he...who knows..it hurts..where it hurts..how bad it hurts..but not WHY it hurts...
Ignorant is one..who knows..it hurts..but does not know where, how bad or why ...it hurts...
Maturity..may be the reasons..of WHY it hurts...then choosing...to take the path or not..still rests on the person..
If he does not take he path..he is matured with respect to the present day world also...if he still takes up the path..knowing he will get hurt..and how bad the pain is going to be..he knows why it hurts..and why he still chooses of the path...then he is the kid...who knows ...getting hurt or not...this is the best path..with the beauty of and around the world more clearly visible..despite the pain..in and around you..he is the unlimited..!!

At the end.. "Maturity is directly proportional to the amount of embarrassment one can tolerate" -- someone's quote..whose I don't remember !!

NB: Thanx to the people whose chat has been quoted here...

...loneliness...

...the wind is blowing...on my face...drenched in rain i look up in the sky. Funny how somethings dont change...and some things do. Still the sky is dark at nite.. grey when it rains..still the droplets of rain coming down..are not seen...and still I am wet...

The river is flowing like somebody has asked it to go away...or some loved one is calling ..and he is rushing through to it..funny how we are stopped by things that ...at the end...dont really matter...
or we never try to be the river..which just flows.. we try to be the lake.. made by the artificial dam..somewhere within us...there is something stopping us...!!!

When it is not raining...when the clouds are not there ... and i look up...and i see the difference...
there are no stars...but they were there when i last looked...where are theynow...have they gone away now...but i used to like them!!! but...are they not there.. or just i cant see them....things have changed...no ..not the sky.. it doesnt ..stars are always there....but the change is in...where i am .. and the way i look up...and wat i m looking for!!

Heart of an Human Soul...

Heart of an Human Soul...
so Stupid it is!!!
Spends a little time with...
and think his it is !!!

Heart of an Human Soul...
so Shrewd it is !!!
Tell you a million lies...
and asks you to find the reason behind it !!!