The Saint, The Coward and The Human

Aimlessly, Wandering around,
Not being really sure where I am going,
earlier I had the shelter around
Now I just find them waiting for me on the sideways.

Its strange, when others give you advice
and expect you to follow it,
thinking they know what best for you
while they allow someone else to make
the important decisions in there life.

I wonder what intrigues them
is it the path that I take
or is itthe spectacle that I create.

Funny how we are not sure of whats best for us
but we know, exactly, what good for others.

Its amazing, that inspite and despite of your will,
you are still not allowed,
It hurts and it hurts even more
when you are told its done for you.

I usually quote,
"Its your life, and you are suppose to be the most important person in it"

It makes it easier for you to make decisions.

Also its enforces you to think of yourself and only yourself
because others can and will think the best of themselves
Its about time people realise,that, no matter what,
whatever happens in your life,
you and only you,
stand responsible for it.

Selfishness is not only desired, it is necessary,
not only for you, but also for the benefit of others.

and hence I re-quote and re-phrase

"Its your life,
and you are suppose to be the most important person in it,
and no matter what,
you are responsible for everything that goes on in it"

Travel on the Road

I prefer traveling on the road, then any other kind of travel. Not by rail and not by flights. Given an option, I will always take a bus or a car. I guess when I look outside the window, with the world zipping by me, with me sitting away from all this , unaffected.

It gives me a moment. To step aside, for a moment, take some time, away from whats going on, and reflect upon, whats going on, where its going and where it is taking me along with it.

Its just a time to introspect, to look upon, to understand.


I have always had, immense faith, in life. At times it gets hard, to understand what went wrong. But I guess, I happen to take it all with the stride. It all requires a little time. Thats All !!!

I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say its alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight Im finding it hard to be your man

Hey
More than angry words I hate this silence
Its getting so loud
Well I want to scream
But bitterness has silenced these emotions
Its getting hard to breathe
So tell me isnt happiness
Worth more than a gold diamond ring
Im willing to do anything
To calm the storm in my heart
Ive never been the praying kind
But lately Ive been down upon my knees
Not looking for a miracle
Just a reason to believe

I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say its alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight Im finding it hard to be your man

-Hold Me Tonight (Savage Garden)

PS : Just that, one of my friends, made me realise, that I happen to leave a lot on TIME !!!

Legacy Characters !!!

We all reach a phase in our lives, when some of the people we know are not required, but are just there because they have been carried forward from the past. Even if some valuable time is spent with them, even if the memories are cherished, but as they emerge in front of you, now, the same warmth or closeness is not felt. Its then, when you realise, that that the role that person had played, is no longer plays an importance in the present script of your life.

I had always wondered, how certain things come to an end, by very minor changes in life, well the effects of these changes are huge, so we can't say the change was minor. And once again, I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I am no longer required, that the role of this certain character is over. And this is when you backtrack all the phases, and realise, what actually your character meant and why the character is, in the place, where he is now.

I guess this should add on to the previous statement I have made, friendship due to obligations. It is very difficult, for people, to remove these 'legacy characters' from there life, just because the past is very beautiful. And at times, it is difficult to send them packing, because you know at a certain point of time, they played a valuable role. But what the legacy character is feeling is not thought of, I guess, its being oblivious to the others need. I guess it hurts, when placed on a very pompous place, in the beginning, being treated with care and warmth, and taking that away, suddenly. In the end, it feels like, big words and no deeds.

From the first person's point, it is actually fair. Everyone has a right, to move on with their lives. Baggages, are difficult to carry, and everyone likes to shed them off where ever they can. Sometimes, it is not even realised, that there is a legacy character. There are always reasons or excuses why certain things are not coming up, they should be. And at times, it is obligation, doing it for the sake of other, why that character still lingers around, thinking that atleast that much she owes to the legacy character !!! Obligations !!! Its best if it is not there.

Things have to change, change is inevitable. Some are easy, some cause pain, but to avoid them is not possible. So its best to take the natural course. There are times, when you feel, that every thing is going with you, and suddenly, you realise, that the tides have changed. I guess its cyclic,
after every crest there is a trough, but again, after every trough, there is a crest.

Some Impressions, last for a life time, but
Some are more than Just Impressions !!!

The Festival of Colors --> Life !!!

Its Holi soon, the festival of colors and
God must be a Painter, why else he would have so many colors in life !!
( A Beautiful Mind )

So enjoy every color in the spectrum, and choose your favorite color to wear. The Rainbow is an interesting thing, it is not tangiable, but we all can see it. It shows all the colors in the spectrum, so that you can choose yours and also it allows you to find out the reason behind the choice.

Don't let the pollution spoil your rainbow, so that your rainbow is only a few colors, because pollution makes things grow black and gray. And certainly you don't want your rainbow to show you shades of gray!!

Well life is about doing many things, and doing things which you like, because its too short to do things which you don't like (duh!! everyone knows that ).
But it doesn't mean that you decide things you don't like, without giving it a fair chance. Life is not about being happy, its about not having any regrets. Happiness and Sorrow are all part of life which make it so wonderful. Infact, you need sorrow in life to appreciate how valuable happiness is.

So wish you a very bright, colorful and joyous Holi, and that you celebrate Holi, in your own special way each day !!

Wishes for the Festival of Holi to You and Your Family !!

And yes I hope you Dance !!

Dreams

It is said, in Dreams, all your senses are ...to some extend....active except the sense of smell. I agree with that. Of all my Dreams I remember, there is not a single one in which I remember smelling something. I remember seeing, feeling the temperatures, hearing, tasting but I don't remember any smell.

For past some time, I have tried to work on my senses, when ever I remember to and also have the time for. I say it is an easy way re-living those cherished moments which happen to stay with time. Though blurriness increases with time, I have been able to trace back to many years back. To do all this, I have always started with something I like and trying to feel the texture, the taste, the smell. Though interestingly I haven't been able to smell, for the last couple of times
I have tried.

Interestingly, I think, am I living a Dream for all these times ??

I was angry that
No one told me that Life will be difficult...
until I realized
No one told me it would be easy ...

Its just what I have chosen it to be !!

The Matrix Part II (The movie)

Interesting time I am going through.. somewhat like a crossroad.. but its a strange kind...you would remember I talked about ego and also I talked about choices one had to make.. remember the boy.. who will try even if he wont achieve it..??

Taking a decision to start is easy...but what happens when you are half way through...do you snap..or do you keep on continue..when do you stop ??
There is something I know I will not get...I am even not sure whether I want it...but I am enjoying it(enjoying it does not mean that I have it..so dont get confused)...so should I try to get it..well why do I need it...its a simple answer..its because.."All I want is Everything"...and so I want it.. but I wont get it.. but I do have some little hope..in my heart...within myself..that I have tiny winy chance..all I need to do is say the right things..at the right time..and keep my fingers crossed....Is it that simple ??
Well the simple answer is no...its not even that simple..infact ...it may be so.. that achieving that is not feasible..
As I write this.. I realise..that if I really want it..I will get it.. there is nothing stopping me from that..but there is something that scares me...may be I am not ready for it...I am not really sure..as usual I am confused..

Even all this confusion and all the reason why I might not get it..I still try.. or am still trying.. Why ??... because I dont know when to give up.. there is this little hope.. always in my mind(What is mind??) that I can get it.. and even if I dont get it.. my only job is to try .. not to wait for the whatever the outcome will be...because even if I dont achieve the goal..I will realise Why its not for me..or What I really want..or maybe Whats good for me..Also again..there is this Ego(Oops, here it comes again)...If I dont try..I feel I am afraid of loosing...If I give up..I am afraid of trying ...trying hard....If I fall down..and dont try again....I am afraid of standing up..and risking it all over again..afraid of admitting that I can loose...

So at the end..I keep on trying it..even if at the end of the day.. I look like a fool...even if at a later stage in life..I look back and realise how stupid I was.. and am..

But wait a minute...Why I am stupid..for trying what I knew I will not get ??.. Sorry my man..you are wrong...Stupid...for not trying it hard enough...for not understanding the very obvious reasons...stupid..for feeling the cold feets ..of deciding whether I should go ahead try...or not...because at the end of the Day .. I will go ahead and try.. and later on.. those little trying will give me the reasoning .. and understand.. Who really I am.. and What really I want...above all understanding.. Why I need and want..!!

The decisions have been made...your fate has been decided...it is already known what choices you will make in life.. but the reason why you have to make those choices is to understand.. why you HAVE to make those choices...to understand the reasons of choosing them over the others!!

Thats the jist.. I dont remeber the exact words.. its from The Matrix Part II (The movie)

Trust Your Instincts !!

What happened to the zeal...which was there deep down inside asking you to take care...to achieve..to overcome..the fear thats been naggin you for some time...
how do you confront them or is better to just shy away ?

Who has to take charge..or is there a right time to take charge...
Shall I just live my life on a daily routine...but i have to do something.. to wander in the unchartered land...may be theres a point to prove...those hidden feeling which keep haunting back from time to time..
Every now and then it feels like its all a waste...where nothing worthwhile is achieved.. the same day and the same night..keeps on repeating it self.. what ever happened to the calibre..the destiny which is to be made...the paths which are trodden, marked by potholes...but lead to a fantasy...

Theres a thirst within...but how to quench..theres a well some where around...but how to go...a path to be taken..but which one..theres an answer....

All I need to do is Trust my Instincts..and Obey my Thirst...