The Matrix Part II (The movie)

Interesting time I am going through.. somewhat like a crossroad.. but its a strange kind...you would remember I talked about ego and also I talked about choices one had to make.. remember the boy.. who will try even if he wont achieve it..??

Taking a decision to start is easy...but what happens when you are half way through...do you snap..or do you keep on continue..when do you stop ??
There is something I know I will not get...I am even not sure whether I want it...but I am enjoying it(enjoying it does not mean that I have it..so dont get confused)...so should I try to get it..well why do I need it...its a simple answer..its because.."All I want is Everything"...and so I want it.. but I wont get it.. but I do have some little hope..in my heart...within myself..that I have tiny winy chance..all I need to do is say the right things..at the right time..and keep my fingers crossed....Is it that simple ??
Well the simple answer is no...its not even that simple..infact ...it may be so.. that achieving that is not feasible..
As I write this.. I realise..that if I really want it..I will get it.. there is nothing stopping me from that..but there is something that scares me...may be I am not ready for it...I am not really sure..as usual I am confused..

Even all this confusion and all the reason why I might not get it..I still try.. or am still trying.. Why ??... because I dont know when to give up.. there is this little hope.. always in my mind(What is mind??) that I can get it.. and even if I dont get it.. my only job is to try .. not to wait for the whatever the outcome will be...because even if I dont achieve the goal..I will realise Why its not for me..or What I really want..or maybe Whats good for me..Also again..there is this Ego(Oops, here it comes again)...If I dont try..I feel I am afraid of loosing...If I give up..I am afraid of trying ...trying hard....If I fall down..and dont try again....I am afraid of standing up..and risking it all over again..afraid of admitting that I can loose...

So at the end..I keep on trying it..even if at the end of the day.. I look like a fool...even if at a later stage in life..I look back and realise how stupid I was.. and am..

But wait a minute...Why I am stupid..for trying what I knew I will not get ??.. Sorry my man..you are wrong...Stupid...for not trying it hard enough...for not understanding the very obvious reasons...stupid..for feeling the cold feets ..of deciding whether I should go ahead try...or not...because at the end of the Day .. I will go ahead and try.. and later on.. those little trying will give me the reasoning .. and understand.. Who really I am.. and What really I want...above all understanding.. Why I need and want..!!

The decisions have been made...your fate has been decided...it is already known what choices you will make in life.. but the reason why you have to make those choices is to understand.. why you HAVE to make those choices...to understand the reasons of choosing them over the others!!

Thats the jist.. I dont remeber the exact words.. its from The Matrix Part II (The movie)