... and I wait ...

... and I wait for it to come,
and when it comes,
it goes by so fast
that ...

and then when it hits me,
that its over,
I go back to line 1
and start waiting all over again.

Everyday I wanna pick up the phone
and tell you that you're
everything and even more
(Missing You - Case)

But I know I can't !!!

Little Wonders (Rob Thomas)

our lives are made

in these small hours

these little wonders,

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away,

but these small hours,

these small hours still remain

let it slide,

let your troubles fall behind you

let it shine

until you feel it all around you

and i don't mind

if it's me you need to turn to

we'll get by,

it's the heart that really matters

in the end

The Saint, The Coward and The Human

Aimlessly, Wandering around,
Not being really sure where I am going,
earlier I had the shelter around
Now I just find them waiting for me on the sideways.

Its strange, when others give you advice
and expect you to follow it,
thinking they know what best for you
while they allow someone else to make
the important decisions in there life.

I wonder what intrigues them
is it the path that I take
or is itthe spectacle that I create.

Funny how we are not sure of whats best for us
but we know, exactly, what good for others.

Its amazing, that inspite and despite of your will,
you are still not allowed,
It hurts and it hurts even more
when you are told its done for you.

I usually quote,
"Its your life, and you are suppose to be the most important person in it"

It makes it easier for you to make decisions.

Also its enforces you to think of yourself and only yourself
because others can and will think the best of themselves
Its about time people realise,that, no matter what,
whatever happens in your life,
you and only you,
stand responsible for it.

Selfishness is not only desired, it is necessary,
not only for you, but also for the benefit of others.

and hence I re-quote and re-phrase

"Its your life,
and you are suppose to be the most important person in it,
and no matter what,
you are responsible for everything that goes on in it"

Travel on the Road

I prefer traveling on the road, then any other kind of travel. Not by rail and not by flights. Given an option, I will always take a bus or a car. I guess when I look outside the window, with the world zipping by me, with me sitting away from all this , unaffected.

It gives me a moment. To step aside, for a moment, take some time, away from whats going on, and reflect upon, whats going on, where its going and where it is taking me along with it.

Its just a time to introspect, to look upon, to understand.


I have always had, immense faith, in life. At times it gets hard, to understand what went wrong. But I guess, I happen to take it all with the stride. It all requires a little time. Thats All !!!

I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say its alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight Im finding it hard to be your man

Hey
More than angry words I hate this silence
Its getting so loud
Well I want to scream
But bitterness has silenced these emotions
Its getting hard to breathe
So tell me isnt happiness
Worth more than a gold diamond ring
Im willing to do anything
To calm the storm in my heart
Ive never been the praying kind
But lately Ive been down upon my knees
Not looking for a miracle
Just a reason to believe

I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say its alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight Im finding it hard to be your man

-Hold Me Tonight (Savage Garden)

PS : Just that, one of my friends, made me realise, that I happen to leave a lot on TIME !!!

Dreams , Ahoy !!

Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board.
For some they come in with the tide.
For others they sail forever on the horizon,
never out of sight, ...

-Zora Neale Hurston

Legacy Characters !!!

We all reach a phase in our lives, when some of the people we know are not required, but are just there because they have been carried forward from the past. Even if some valuable time is spent with them, even if the memories are cherished, but as they emerge in front of you, now, the same warmth or closeness is not felt. Its then, when you realise, that that the role that person had played, is no longer plays an importance in the present script of your life.

I had always wondered, how certain things come to an end, by very minor changes in life, well the effects of these changes are huge, so we can't say the change was minor. And once again, I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I am no longer required, that the role of this certain character is over. And this is when you backtrack all the phases, and realise, what actually your character meant and why the character is, in the place, where he is now.

I guess this should add on to the previous statement I have made, friendship due to obligations. It is very difficult, for people, to remove these 'legacy characters' from there life, just because the past is very beautiful. And at times, it is difficult to send them packing, because you know at a certain point of time, they played a valuable role. But what the legacy character is feeling is not thought of, I guess, its being oblivious to the others need. I guess it hurts, when placed on a very pompous place, in the beginning, being treated with care and warmth, and taking that away, suddenly. In the end, it feels like, big words and no deeds.

From the first person's point, it is actually fair. Everyone has a right, to move on with their lives. Baggages, are difficult to carry, and everyone likes to shed them off where ever they can. Sometimes, it is not even realised, that there is a legacy character. There are always reasons or excuses why certain things are not coming up, they should be. And at times, it is obligation, doing it for the sake of other, why that character still lingers around, thinking that atleast that much she owes to the legacy character !!! Obligations !!! Its best if it is not there.

Things have to change, change is inevitable. Some are easy, some cause pain, but to avoid them is not possible. So its best to take the natural course. There are times, when you feel, that every thing is going with you, and suddenly, you realise, that the tides have changed. I guess its cyclic,
after every crest there is a trough, but again, after every trough, there is a crest.

Some Impressions, last for a life time, but
Some are more than Just Impressions !!!

I wonder !!!

I wonder ...

why in relationships, after some time, there is a full stop .... or
a comma...and never dot dot dot !!!

- borrowed from someone !!!

Hai Ram, Log Kya Kahenge !!!

Since long I have felt that whenever an Indian returns from abroad, after spending a couple of years there. The mind state in which he returns is usually the one in which he had left. It may have been updated with the Bollywood releases, but for a person who has hailed from the middle class back ground, he will usually ignore them to be for the rich and famous. During my flight back home, I came across an article by Shobha De titles "Dancing Queens" featured in The Week, she has talked about a lady from the British Land unable to understand why a Bride's Mother will do a solo dance on the now famous "Kajra Re". To me, still it sounds as pretty far-sighted in my circle, where it may still be a couple of more years away. The NRI lady, who is now baffled about the family traditional values which she has kept so close to her heart and guarded with near jealousy so that she wont be branded with a No-Longer Indian tag.

The question immediately pops up in our mind is that why, in India, we are drifted slowly but steadily towards the western culture and are including them in our rituals, whilst for people living outside the Indian sub-continent, try to be stagnant or worse move backwards and adopt the purer form of our traditions. Trying not to forget our roots and trying to be in touch with the present going trends, our minds are always drawn to that dilemma in making a that all so necessary choice of choosing between what we really want and what our traditions say.

The NRI Lady, in the article, has come up with arguments that are so true and reasonable. Taking one example of the Lady asking the whether it was acceptable conduct coming out of the Bridegroom's future mother-in-law. Go back a few years, I assure you, it would have been a tabboo.

Does walking in pace with time, means to change yourself over time so that it suits the people around you rather than you? There is always an external force that requires us to change. It usually is in the forms of our friends and relatives and that hidden competition between themselves. The fight to always proves who is better. And then the billion dollar question is, what is better. Better can be not forgetting what our elders told us, playing by the rules or better can be not leaving the grip of time and beating it to its pace.

I wonder in which context "Hai Ram, Log kya kahenge" will apply now.

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary
To one without faith, no explanation is possible !!
St. Thomas Aquinas

Hai Ram, Log kya kahenge, hum abhi tak pichdi duniya ke hain or
Hai Ram, Log kya kahenge, hamari sanskriti kahan gayi !!

For us its always been what we are thought of in the society rather than what we are thought of in our mind ourselves. The decisions are usually made by thinking not what we feel is right, but what the general perception of being right is.And that general perception changes with the place you live and the company you keep.

Home Cooked !!

Well I have done funny things in life. I remember during school times, the chemistry lab was something different from me. There was one particular incident which I don't forget. During the study of AgCl3, I brought the solution home once. I don't remember what I was thinking !!!. Playing with the solution, I don't know what I intended to do. I did spill some of the solution on myself, specifically on the hands.

Lazy as I am, I didn't bother to clean, because anyhow I was to head for the chemistry lab itself. ( I was a strict non-follower of the Lab Rules ) With some of the Liquid in my hand, I rushed down to reach my labs. During the walk in the sun, I realized my hands had magically turned black. It did not strike me immediately what had happened.!!

But for full 3 days, people were frightened, whenever I drew out my hand for a shake, to such and extend that they would jump and pull back there hands and would not shake it !!

Well that story is just a by-product. The main story is, in another experiment, I produced a lot of ammonia. And I went on to smell huge amounts of it for some time. I later realized that ammonia affect the outer layer of your nose's inside. This resulted in many side-effects including the leaking of my nose very frequently, cold or no cold.

Now past few weeks, and previously also I noted, I have not been able to smell things. To the extend that smell of burn whiles I am at the stove is not noticeable to me. I wonder whether it is temporarily or long term. But it sure has inhibited the amount of pleasure I could and should derive from eating various foods.

Mahesh Dattani in his article "Home-Cooked Love" (featured in The Week) points out that, it is the combination of the senses from touch, smell, and taste because of which we Indians will never be able to recluse the Home-Cooked feeling.Whatever we say, and wherever we eat, the best cooked food has always been and will be, for us Indians the food cooked by Ma !!! 90 % of the strong billion people will agree with me.

I always used to wonder, that japenese will never get that feel, as cooking is not part of there daily routine and agenda. But right now I am desperate to have that feeling. And finally after almost a year, it will come again tonite !!

To end, I will quote from Maheshs article
" I regret that I was never a part of the process of making food, but I am eternally grateful that I was at the receiving end "

I think it Sums it up in the best possible way !!!

The Wind like the Small

The Wind like the Small

The wind like the small
Never lets the sea smile
Whenever awake
Troubles her for a while
Moving here and there
and the water behind
Its like a mother
after her child

And when the child tires
he stops and sleeps
The mother calms down
and takes a sigh of relief.

-dedicated to my mother